The second-best use for goats

Anyone who's been to a barbecue at my apartment in the past few months knows that I have developed a mild culinary obsession with goat meat after reading a spectacular article on the topic by Henry Alford for the New York Times Dining Section. I was originally drawn to the article because Henry uses the word "sexytime" (yes, as one word) in the second paragraph, and I wanted to know who could possibly get away with writing such an amazing thing in our paper of record.


It quickly became clear to me that Henry was onto something. I've since started getting ground goat meat from a halal butcher on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, and making goat-burgers laden with curry powder, cumin, green onions, parsley, sage, basil, and whatever else I have lying around. I then stuff them with chevre. Kosher, it is not, but it makes for one of the best burgers I've had since I was almost killed by a Peter Luger's bacon burger a few months back. (If the Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt didn't get me, Luger, what made you think you could?)

Anyway, Mitsubishi Motors in New Zealand has obviously caught onto the goat fad, because they're now offering a free goat with the purchase of their bizarre-looking Triton pickup. This may seem strange at first, but their director of sales and marketing explains things: "Goats," he says, "like our Tritons, are hardy, versatile units, which will integrate directly into existing farm operations."

Science tells us that any person who calls a living creature a "unit" is ten times more likely to kiss his wife goodnight through Saran wrap. You know what would help him with that? Eating some goat.