Because you cannot even conceive of what I'm about to show you -- much less eat it. But, in the Tradition of This Is Why You're Fat, Adam Kuban over at A Hamburger Today dreamt it up. (Whether he ate it is a different story.) Behold, the Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt:
Yes, that's a bacon burger with two bacon grilled-cheese sandwiches as buns. Before you ask: No, I haven't tried it. And yes, I plan on making it tonight. If you don't see a post from me tomorrow, call my super -- I've gone to the burger joint in the sky.
P.S.: There's a double-decker version, too -- not having a death wish, I'm going to steer clear of this one: